Big Fish

It's been awhile since I wrote an actual blog, kind of, I've only written poems and songs the last few times. I hate to say that I don't really have much to offer in terms of food for thought. I've been going through a crazy mental battle right now, which sucks since school is starting soon and I'm not prepared at all. I have no idea how to react to people now, I've lost all sense of myself. The only thing I know anymore is that God exists, and the some how some way He will help me.
But I have no idea how, I mean I'm not even sure if I believe in Hell in the eternal sense anymore, I don't know if I've just been hiding like Jonah did, I think that metaphorically I am stuck inside of a fish, trying to contemplate what God wants me to do, but the reason why I am in this fish for so long is because I can't figure it out. It's kind of lonely in here, I feel like if I had a girl with me then she would help answer all my questions. I miss having that relationship. Which is why I wrote picnic in the rain, to try and embrace those feelings of being in a relationship.
I used to think that people needed me, but really they don't, at least not really. I've been extremely prideful in that matter, thinking that I am better than most people because people needed me. It's a good thing that I fell from the pride, but its going to be a tedious task picking myself back up, there is no way that I can do it alone. Good thing there is God, I just hope he sends me someone that I need soon. I don't know how much longer I can last in this fish. It's dark, and lonely, and I'm running out of the essentials. Messages in bottles won't do any good, I've tried and even if anyone got the message, they obviously didn't try and help. So if anyone is out there, anyone at all. I need you.